Down one more lb this week.….seems like I have been in the 150’s for a long time….but I’m not gaining any weight and my work outs are getting longer and I’m definitely stronger so I may finally be getting a little muscle for the first time in my life and that may explain the reason for the slow weight loss. No matter, I’m happy with my progress. I was (barely) lifting two 8 lb weights this morning and they were SO heavy that I wondered how I possibly could have moved with 70 extra lbs a year ago….equivalent to about 9 of those weights! YIKES….puts things in perspective and makes me realize how much in denial I was…(see below for more on that topic!).
Yesterday was a perfect day for the AIDS Walk so my friend Su and I lent our support to the affair which took us around Queen Liliuokalani Park, a gorgeous park on Hilo Bay with magnificent Banyan trees, ponds and Japanese gardens. I love this place! In fact, this is the park where my husband asked me to marry him over 20 years ago….so it’s pretty special in many ways.
But the beauty of Hawaii or the the importance of supporting community events or even having a good friend to walk with is not what I want to write about today. I want to write about something more important.
I want to talk about Denial and Defenses. These two words are huge in the world of people who have ________ (fill in the blank) problems. In my case as with most of the people reading this, that blank would be weight problems, which in turn lead to high blood pressure problems, knee problems, self-confidence issues, relationship problems, and just plain old I-can’t-bend-over-to-tie-my-shoes problems……!
I have talked to a couple of people this week, personally and on the forum, who are in denial of their weight issues. I know this because now that I am no longer obese, I can see clearly I was there too. It’s easy to do…sure you know you’re fat, but you manage to be happy, to have a pretty good life. You know you’ll lose it eventually (but the years keep going by and you never do). Your brain still thinks of you as a smaller version of your current self, so it’s hard to accept that your weight is out of control. You look around and see that other people (usually thin ones) seem to be eating a lot more than you are, so WTF? Why am I so fat??? Your knees hurt but not THAT bad and besides it’s from an old injury….not because of your weight. (SURE).
So then the DEFENSES kick in. In all fairness, I think some defenses are accurate. I always said I didn’t eat that much; but clearly, I ate more than I could handle, even if it was less than my thin friends. I had a crappy metabolism because I never, ever, pushed myself physically. So I might have been eating less, but they went out and ran every day; I did nothing. So the pounds went on; 3 or 4 lbs a year, but 20 years times 4 is 80 lbs! My thin friends stepped up their work outs and cut back on the goodies when they saw those 3 or 4 lbs happen; something you learn to do when you’re thin. So hard to do when you’re not.
This week someone on the forum was so anxious about life with the sleeve that she almost cancelled her surgery! Her anxiety is certainly understandable; but let’s look at her concerns and my replies:
- that she will have to exercise 5 days a week (hmmm, if you want to lose weight without the surgery, you will have to do the same thing; with the surgery, it’s much easier because you can move a lot more).
- that she will feel queasy… yes you do at first for a few months. Small price to pay and some people feel just fine. When you see your body changing so quickly, you don’t even focus on that.
- that she can’t eat normal portions. Well, if we were eating normal portions in the first place, we wouldn’t be here…..how about eating whatever you want and not feeling guilty about it and at the same time feeling satisfied?
- that she can’t drink wine. I have a glass or two each week with a nice dinner. It’s divine. (It is true, you cannot drink much but this is a good thing, right?)
- that she will become fatigued. Having an extra 80 lbs will tire you out a lot more! Trust me.
- that she will become vitamin deficient. You’ll get your blood work done 2-3 times a year; at this point, mine is textbook perfect; no more high cholesterol, that was before the surgery!
- that she was discouraged reading about a woman who was 5 days post op. What about all the thousands of posts from people who feel they have gotten a new lease on life, that they feel healthy and normal for the first time in their life?
- that she wasn’t sure she could afford the $10K. I understand that $10K is a lot of money. But in the grand scheme of things, is $10K too much to possibly save your life, to give you a better quality of life, more self-confidence, and all the hundred of other positive things that come from feeling good about yourself not to mention healthy? My guess is you will save that much in medical bills, clothing and food the first year.
This isn’t ANOTHER DIET that we might fail at. This is a proven method of getting to a place we have all wanted to be for a long long time. And you get there quickly so every day is a brand new gift just waiting to be opened. Gifts like crossing your legs again, running with your kids or grandkids, having clothes look good again, shopping is fun, the compliments are fantastic, sex is better, your feet, hips, knees, don’t hurt, and this all happens in a very short time…..oh, one more thing….you live longer!
I read something the other day that I thought was very appropriate from Gloria Steinem and it sure was true in my case:
THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE,
BUT FIRST, IT WILL PISS YOU OFF!!!
So for those of you are in the Denial stage and have lots of reasons (and you get Defensive) why this won’t work for you, I would like to say to you, we’ve all been THERE and we understand, but now we’re HERE, and we invite you to COME ON IN…..IT FEELS GREAT!
We leave for San Francisco in a few days, so next week’s blog may be a few days late…..
A hui hou,
Queen of Crop
KristinApril 22, 2012
YES, YES and YES!! I read your blog as often as I can and I have enjoyed watching you succeed in your weight loss journey and I’ve loved following your travels. This post, however, has made me want to jump up and down and scream! I was one of those who lived in denial and also thought that I could do it on my own. I also questioned no wine, the queasy feelings, the fatigue…all of it! I could not agree with you more! Thank you for putting into words what has been on my mind for weeks! Well done! 🙂
queenofcropApril 22, 2012
Thanks Kristin!!!! There have been lots of comments on the forum on this one……I think I hit a nerve….
DanaApril 23, 2012
Fantastic blog post! My surgery is next week, and I am not apprehensive yet about any of the issues above. I am SOOOO ready for this change to my life. I’m 51 (reaching for 52) and expect that the weight loss will be slow, but steady, similar to yours, but who knows. Every one is different. Reading your blog these past few months has been an inspiration to me. Keep up the great posts!
queenofcropApril 23, 2012
Wow! Congratulations…..I’m so excited and happy for you. Please, please keep me posted on how it goes. Where are you having it done? Get ready; your 50’s just might be the best decade of your life so far! The first few months are a time of learning, but you will also see rapid changes…..my weight loss only slowed down after about 4 months…..which I was thrilled with, because at that point I had already lost 50 lbs…..and now that it’s one lb a week, it helps my skin adapt better…..thanks so much for the compliments and keep checking back each Sunday! Don’t forget to take that BEFORE photo!!! You won’t be sorry you did…..! QofC
DanaApril 23, 2012
I’m having it done at the Puget Sound Surgery Center in Edmonds, WA. My surgeon is Dr. Billing. I agree about the elasticity of our over-50 skin and slow weight loss. My dermotologist tells me that at least my facial skin has good elasticity, so let’s hope the rest of me does. But even if it doesn’t – I can deal with that. Thanks goodness for Spanx! I’ll take loose skin over the weight any time!
I’ve been working myself up to the Before photo. Not quite there yet — too depressing at this moment and I’ve always hated having my photo taken, even when I was thin (I do remember those days too).
queenofcropApril 23, 2012
Thanks for the info on Puget Sound….I’ll let my friend know since she is in Seward Alaska…..now, about the BEFORE photo……OMG, have you seen MINE???? It was seriously the WORST photo of my life!!!! But I was thrilled to have it because it sure makes my AFTER photo that much better!!! So I say, go for it! (If you have a camera with a timer, just take it yourself, so you can take lots and pick the one you like the best….then hide it and look at it again in 6 months…..you’ll be happy you did!)
KaliApril 24, 2012
Great blogging again! Wow, you look great and I CAN see the space between your legs *Whoo Hoo!* Regarding Puget Sound Surgical Center in Edmonds, my old childhood beach house neighbor, Dr. Rob Landersholm is the founder there and well respected in the field of bariatric surgery. I’m in Hannover, Germany, so have been checking around and just got the “green light” to have Dr. Toon Sonneville in Ghent, Belgium do my surgery ($7,480 USD). I’ll know tomorrow when I can have be scheduled. I’ve been putting this off (fear of being put under a general anesthetic), but I have to do it! I’m 54 and I just saw a “fat” photo someone took of me at a networking event, which made me immediately send off an email to start the process. S. thanks for giving us all a view into your life and the process. : ) Cheers, K
queenofcropApril 24, 2012
Wow; this is fantastic news Kali!!! I am so so happy for you…..and yes, I should have remembered about your friend in WA. I wish we were back in Amsterdam so I could be more of a support for you. But please be sure and tell me when your surgery is; we’ll be back in August and I definitely want to meet you….just think how much better you’re going to feel by the end of the summer! And wow, great price! Mine was $18K USD. So happy for you.
KaliApril 25, 2012
Many thanks for your kind words of support! I hope I will get to meet you, too. I do need to go back to Seattle in August, for my daughter’s college graduation. I’m so excited for you to be coming back to a place that you love so much. Amsterdam is fantastic! And, I’m sure most people are speaking English, too. I’m still having to gesture, point and smile a lot here in Hannover! I will let you know how things progress. Seriously, you look terrific and I know you feel great, too : ) K
queenofcropApril 25, 2012
Thanks again Kali…..let’s be sure and stay in touch…..and yes, thank goodness they speak English in Amsterdam! (Still, we will learn the language as it’s the right thing to do…).
Ann2December 3, 2013
OK, I’m now officially a FAN! What a great blog. I discovered it this morning on the VSG board, and am binge-reading it this morning. Cannot wait to catch up to where you are now. Thank you for starting this blog. It’s really wonderful.
queenofcropDecember 3, 2013
Dank je wel for your kind comments on my blog. I was quite committed to writing it each Sunday while I was going through my weight loss adventure.
I have been at goal weight for over a year (although I recently gained 4 lbs on a holiday), and am currently living in Amsterdam. I have been meaning to write a 2 year update for over a month. Perhaps you may have encouraged me to do so. I need to get back on the forum as it was always a good support for me.
Have you been sleeved? What is your story? Age, where do you live, did you have much to lose? This has been a fabulous adventure for me.
Again, thank you for reading my blog.
Queen of Crop