Week 31 – Still here in Hilo and Still 151 lbs – May 20, 2012

I’ve hit it! The dreaded STALL. I heard it would happen, I’ve read many posts on the forum about it, but I still don’t get it. I’ve never exercised harder or more regularly than I have the past two months (hardly missing a day), and burning 300-500 calories just in the gym. I eat so little at each meal it’s not funny. With this program, I’ve lost 3 lbs in the last month and have lost nothing for the last two weeks. All those old feelings I used to have of “why can’t I lose weight when I eat so little?” are creeping into my brain again; and that’s when I used to just give up thinking it was hopeless.

 

But here’s what I have come to learn: It isn’t just calories in, calories out. Sorry to those of you who think it is, it’s not; it wasn’t for my mother, it isn’t for my husband and it’s not for me. We’re all wired differently, and I think I have finally accepted that. My husband is 6 ft tall and weighs more than me… by 2 lbs!!! That’s right, he weighs 153 lbs and although he has to work to be at that weight he eats about 3 x what I am eating in volume; probably around 2500-2800 calories a day. He also runs 3 miles a day (has for years). I’m 5’3″ and weigh 151 lbs, and eat 1200 calories a day and also run/walk 3 miles a day. Go figure.

For 25 years, I felt sorry for myself because I couldn’t eat what other people ate (including my husband, my mother and my best friends, none who were or are heavy). And when I did eat SOME of it, I started packing on the pounds (and continued to do that for many years). Then the more weight that went on, the less I moved, and then I really couldn’t get take it off. I think, for me at least, a lot of my weight issues probably go back to the crap I ate when I was growing up (but I have two sisters and a brother without weight problems) so a lot of it also just has to be how my metabolism works and that I certainly didn’t help it out along the way. At this point, I may have done so much damage to it or it simply is wired in a way, that no matter what I do, I will lose very slowly.

 

So, like my mother who never exercised, ate junk, and was never sick or fat, I too have an odd metabolism and just need to accept it for what it is and work with it. (Enter WLS which has allowed me to do that!) It’s a lot easier not to get as discouraged when I feel so good about how far I have come; I feel good about being able to work out for a solid hour in the gym. I feel good when I’m shopping and looking in the small and medium sizes and buying things because I need them or really really like them, instead of “Hey! It fits so I’ll buy it!” I feel good when I get dressed because even though I have fewer clothes in my closet, I have more choices because everything fits (or fits better as in the green dress above!). I feel better about everything, really: being in social situations, sex, and just life in general. So even though I am in a stall, I don’t feel like I’m in a hopeless situation anymore.

 

I think this particular stall is temporary, so I’ll just keep truckin’ on; I’m not in a huge hurry and I am down to my last 10-15 lbs or so that I want to lose, so I’ll be patient. To be honest, it’s so validating; I feel like I want to shout to everyone SEE?????????? I did try to do this without surgery and it was near impossible!!! So many times I was told over and over I could eat 1800 calories a day, take a 30 minute walk and lose 2 lbs a week. HAH!!! 

 

TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL: Speaking of shouting from the rooftops about this surgery, there was a fascinating thread on the Vertical Sleeve Forum a couple of weeks ago of should we tell people or not about having WLS. There must have been over 100 people who commented and as near as I can figure out, it’s split 50/50. I certainly understand it; I personally have chosen to tell my husband, a few close friends and my sister. I am very happy with that decision as it works for me, although like the others, I have become such a supporter of this life-changing option that I also want to tell anyone and everyone who will listen. But the main reason I keep it private is that I don’t want people to think of the surgery every time they see me, and I don’t want to be judged by people who don’t know me (and my metabolism challenges!) or think this surgery is the easy way out. If I had a serious medical condition, I would not share that either, because I think sometimes the condition overshadows you as a total person. For me, I will share with those close to me and that works. But I completely understand others who feel the need and desire to share how these exciting times can be for all of us. I do have to admit, I would love to become a spokesperson for this surgery, and tell people who have tried WW, JC and Nutrisystems that for SOME people, those good programs will never work for you and you are not a failure……and there IS a way!!!

 

East Hawaii has been magical this past week: perfect blue skies, gentle warm tropical breezes, the beautiful weather people think about when they dream of Hawaii. I’ve been inside quite a bit going through boxes and boxes of things, getting ready for our move. One of my projects is going through photos…..I never have to worry about having enough BEFORE photos…..wow, looking back over the last 10-12 years of photos of me at my heaviest has been very humbling. Why is it that sometimes you can’t see how bad things are until you are out of them? For 10 years at our beautiful home on the ocean (pictured above) I don’t think I ever took a good photo…how could I at 200+ lbs?  So one gorgeous day we took a drive to our old place; it was nice to get out and enjoy the outdoors a little and I have to say, it sure feels great to have a photo taken when you’re not worried about how fat you will look!

Hope everyone has a good week; sending lots of aloha from your Hawaii ‘Stall Central’……

 

A hui hou!

Queen of Crop