I’ve been on three different islands this week: the Big Island, Kauai and today I am back on Oahu. We needed to make a quick trip over to the most beautiful island of all, Kauai. Sadly it was for the funeral service for a friend who just passed away after a brief hospital stay; he was 86 years old and leaves a wife of 62 years behind. Imagine, being side by side with someone for over 60 years and then they’re gone. Unimaginable to me, but watching his wife and two daughters as they navigated through the service and gathering of friends afterwards was inspiring. They all had such grace, strength, courage, love and humor during a time where they were experiencing such a great personal loss. I’ve seen this before and have always been in awe seeing women who can find such strength while experiencing a life changing event.
And although this will seem like the oddest segue you have ever read, I’m going to take you from the loss of a loved one to the newest sex book on the market: Fifty Shades of Grey……I’m sure many of you have read it; it’s number one on the NYT Bestseller list this week and has become the best selling book of all time by some measures, outstripping (so to speak) Harry Potter.
Here’s a book that simply is not well-written; most professional book critics pretty much trash it and I doubt anyone would consider it great literature. For me, I’m intrigued that it has become the ‘book to read.’ I see it everywhere and several of my friends said I must read it and I’m very glad I have. In fact, the woman who sat down next to me on my flight from Kauai and I were both reading it and just laughed when we both opened our books as the plane took off.
As most of you who read my blog know, I don’t shy away from topics having to do with sex. I think it’s natural, beautiful, fun, and exciting, even more so when you’re not fat, so it seems a logical topic to discuss as we lose weight. Especially because for a lot of people, sex comes back into their life once the weight starts coming off. Lingerie is nicer to wear, being more flexible is more pleasurable (for both partners) and the desire is stronger. (And for those of you who think your partners don’t care if you are fat when it comes to sex, my belief is that you are in denial; I know I sure was, big time.) Anyway, it’s a normal (and pretty popular!) part of life and I take great pride in having a very open mind about any consensual sex between any adults.
But back to 50 Shades…..I’m just halfway through so I don’t even think I’ve gotten to many of the kinky parts yet. But here’s why the book made my blog this week: I am fascinated by the male character’s power of persuasion and annoyed at the female character’s (lack of) personality. I realize she’s 22 years old and very naive, but I keep trying to find some redeeming quality or show of strength, pride, or maturity in her personality and it hasn’t happened so far. How many 20-something girls are reading this and wondering if some powerful guy might come and whisk them off their feet and they should just ‘comply’ and be rewarded with great sex and gifts. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not criticizing the whole BDSM scene; again, if it’s consensual and this is what floats their boats, then I’m all for it. But I don’t think a 22-year old virgin who’s barely been kissed could make a leap into an extreme sexual activity against a very compelling, rich, powerful man without it messing with her view of sex and self-worth for the rest of her life. Even though I admire his ability to articulate his passion and apply his powers of persuasion (having been in sales, I wish I could have been this good!), the whole control thing is really creepy to me. And I’m always wondering, what is it that he sees in her? Sorry, but I happen to think that strong, beautiful women are much more interesting than women who have personalities like a wimpy wet noodle. I’ll finish the book, and who knows, maybe the character will develop into a more appealing, able person. We can only hope. In the meantime, the message is clear: sex sells, and as much as I love sex, for a good read, give me a more creative, imaginative book with interesting characters and stories like the Harry Potter series any time.
There was a popular thread on the forum this past week: a member posted her frustration with her husband because he refused to help with their two-year old baby; I think she just needed a place to vent and reached out to the forum. Wow, did she get a lot of stern advice from women, most of it aimed at her husband in a really negative way. In the end, none of us know her own particular situation but there were lots of words of wisdom and encouragement given to her which I hope empowered her in some way. At first, her post didn’t seem like it had any thing to do with weight loss, but I think it did. I think she was starting to feel a strength building inside of her, one that would allow her to start those tough conversations with her husband and she put it out there in the forum to test it. She was rewarded with other women who have also found their voice and their confidence to speak up because we all feel better about ourselves as we lose weight, we feel more confident, more sure of what we want, and we can proudly say, we are strong women!
Lucky for me, my husband comes from a family of very independent women so he’s very attracted to and supportive of all women who are strong, and if they are confident, smart, talented, beautiful and sexy, then what a combination!
To all strong women out there and the men who support them, have a great week!
A HUI HOU,
QUEEN OF CROP
P.S. Barely lost a lb this week. Only 9 weeks to lose 5 lbs, at the rate I’m going who knows if I can do this; crap.